What Is That to You?
By Erica Seymore
Comparison is a thief of joy, yet, so often, we allow the lives of others to profoundly impact our minds, hearts, and lives. It is common among people of faith to have concern for souls and for our brothers and sisters in Christ, as we should, but there are times when we mask comparison for “concern.”
In John chapter 21, after Jesus’ resurrection, He appeared to His disciples by the Sea of Galilee. Jesus talks to Peter, who had denied Him three times before His death on the Cross, and asks Peter three times if he loves Him. Each time Jesus asks Peter if he loves Him, he confirms his love, and Jesus instructs him to “feed my sheep,” symbolizing Peter’s role in leading and caring for the early church, and in this same exchange, Jesus alludes to the death by which Peter would glorify God. However, Peter’s attention turns towards John, and in verse 21, Peter asks Jesus, “What about him?” and Jesus asks Peter, “What is it to you?” emphasizing Peter’s need to focus on his own obedience and salvation, not comparing his own fate to that of John.
How often have we done something like this in our lives? Maybe you’re like me; you’re the single one in your group of married friends who are raising children. You are constantly comparing yourself to them and asking God why you are having to wait for the husband and family you so desperately pray for. How often do we question and compare others’ obedience or disobedience when reflecting on our own? I imagine those reading who are mothers have encountered this numerous times with their children. Asking “Please go clean your room” to one child turns into “But what about [sibling] who isn’t cleaning their room,” and so on.
In today’s society, we are surrounded by distractions and temptations that make it so easy to compare our lives to the people around us. Social media and our Pinterest world can be a battleground that removes our focus from Christ. We become so focused on ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ that we enter dangerous territory of negative behaviors, such as envy, pride, gossip, and so much more. We miss clear direction from God to keep our attention on the One who matters most. So often, in these moments, we miss an opportunity to pray to God, to ask for patience and wisdom. We miss opportunities to praise God for where we are and to show gratitude for the blessings right in front of us. Those of us who are single, without the responsibility of families and children, miss the specific opportunities we have to serve others, and those of us who are married and have children miss the opportunity to show our children how to serve and to answer our children’s questions with Biblical wisdom and instruction. Our services won’t look the same; comparing them is futile. We have to focus on what we have the chance to do, and then we have to do it.
We can look to the Bible for many examples of the dangers of comparison.
In Genesis 4, we read the story of Cain and his brother Abel. Cain becomes so envious of the favor Abel receives from God that it leads him to murder his brother. We can clearly see the destructive nature of comparison and the importance of Jesus’ “What is it to you?” when God warns Cain, “Why are you furious? And why do you look despondent? If you do what is right, won’t you be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it” (Genesis 4:6-7). Cain had such an opportunity to learn from his brother's example and do better the next time, but instead, he took Abel’s life.
The story of Saul and David is an excellent example of how comparison can lead us down a destructive path. In 1 Samuel 18:7, after David has defeated Goliath, the women of Israel danced and sang, “Saul has killed his thousands, but David his tens of thousands,” sending Saul into a jealous spiral and relentless pursuit to kill David, ultimately leading to Saul’s death. Here, we see an example of missing an opportunity to show gratitude for David’s ability and rejoicing with Israel over David’s success.
Lastly, in Luke 15, we find the Parable of the Prodigal Son when, instead of rejoicing along with his father over the lost son’s return, the prodigal son’s brother becomes resentful and feels as though his father is being unfair. In verse 29, he says, “Look, I have been slaving many years for you, and I have never disobeyed your orders, yet you never gave me a goat so that I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your assets with prostitutes, you slaughtered the fattened calf for him” (Luke 15:29-30). His father responds in verse 31, “Son, you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.” The brother had an opportunity to show grace and love to his brother but instead was jealous about the love he was receiving from their father. If we stop to consider this story in our own lives, have we been this brother? Have we shown bitterness or anger towards a brother or sister in Christ who has returned to the Lord? Have we lacked compassion for one who has turned away from their past sin? Have we forgotten to look past the wrong, and rejoice with their obedience?
These are just a few examples. We could discuss Jacob and Esau, Leah and Rachel, Mary and Martha, Joseph's brothers, and more. As we see from all of these examples, comparison is an all too common and dangerous path to go down.
Another principle closely related to avoiding comparison is the reminder to mind our own business. Do not mistake; there are times when it is necessary to intervene when a brother or sister is in sin, but we should use Biblical knowledge and wisdom to know when that should happen. The Bible teaches us it is essential to maintain peace among believers.
Looking at 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12, Paul advises the Thessalonians to “seek to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you, so that you may behave properly in the presence of outsiders and not be dependent on anyone.” By following this advice, we focus on our own responsibilities and walks, leading to a life devoted to Christ.
In Proverbs 26:17, the proverb illustrates the dangers of meddling in others’ lives: “A person who is passing by and meddles in a quarrel that’s not his is like one who grabs a dog by the ears.” When we interfere in matters that do not concern us, we risk causing unnecessary conflict and harm.
In Romans 14:4, Paul addresses judging others in matters of personal conviction, saying, “Who are you to judge another’s household servant? Before his own Lord he stands or falls. And he will stand, because the Lord is able to make him stand.” This is a reminder that we are accountable to God for our own actions and decisions.
In a world where social media and constant connectivity fuel comparison and envy, the question “What is it to you?” is more relevant than ever, reminding us to focus on our salvation and walk with Him. So, how do we apply Jesus’ question to Peter from John 21 to our lives today? Here are some practical applications:
First, we can focus on our own walk with Christ. Just as Jesus instructed Peter to follow Him, our concentration should be on our own faith and walk with Him. We all have strengths and ways we can serve; comparing ourselves to others only leads to distractions from fulfilling our potential.
Next, we should celebrate the success of others. Instead of being jealous or allowing ourselves to feel threatened by someone else’s life, we should celebrate their success and accomplishments with them. It is a much more joyful way to live and to praise God for the good He provides to His creation.
An excellent habit for our lives is to practice contentment. Contentment is a powerful way to kick comparison to the curb. When we are grateful for our blessings and put our faith in the Lord, we can find peace and satisfaction in our lives.
Lastly, we can respect boundaries. Remembering to mind our own business means respecting boundaries and not concerning ourselves with matters we shouldn’t. This helps us maintain good relationships and avoid unnecessary conflict.
When we practice these applications, we can cultivate contentment, respect, and a more profound sense of purpose in our walk with God. In John 10:10, Jesus says, “A thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance.” We have been blessed with so much in our lives, but most importantly, we have been blessed with the hope of Heaven. Let us not squander that opportunity and blessing. There is so much good to be done if we keep our eyes on God, trust Him wholeheartedly, and do not allow the “thief,” that is, comparison, into our lives.