What Should I Give You?

By Sarah Betts

There was a season in my life when the thing I wanted more than anything was a child. I felt consumed with the emotional heartbreak that came along with infertility. Pouring over books and websites, working with doctors, and changing my lifestyle, I tried over and over again to find the solution to my problem. I spent years praying the same prayer: “Please, Father, bless us with a child.” But as the years went by and no child arrived, I wish I could say that my response to my struggle was always Christ-like. 

Have you been there before? Maybe it’s not the same prayer as mine was, but have you made that same desperate plea that He will answer your prayer in a way that will fulfill that deep longing in your heart? Maybe you also feel like you’re in a place between faith, surrender, and longing. In those low, painful, hollow times, how would we have answered Him if He said to us:

“Ask! What shall I give you?” (1 Kings 3:5 NKJV)

Would our answer be:

For a spouse? 

For my loved one to be healed? 

For the restoration of a relationship?

For the salvation of someone I love?

For the healing of my chronic pain or disease?

For a way, when there feels like no way?

Though we often don’t understand God's silence, we can trust that God is teaching us something while we are waiting. That lesson will be different for each of us, but if we are genuinely seeking to learn and to grow from the trial, He will reveal it to us in time. During my season of infertility, God taught me so much about His goodness, His sovereignty, and prayer. The conversation between God and King Solomon in 1 Kings 3:5-10 says a multitude about the way in which our prayer can be pleasing to God.

It pleased the Lord that Solomon had asked this. (1 Kings 3:10)

We know from James 4:3 that if Solomon’s request was based on selfish motives, it would not have been granted. But his answer did, in fact, please the Lord. And above all else, our desire should also be to please the Lord in all things. So, what was Solomon’s most pleasing response to God’s question? 

And Solomon said, “You have shown great and steadfast love to Your servant David my father, because he walked before You in faithfulness, in righteousness, and in uprightness of heart toward You. And You have kept for him this great and steadfast love and have given him a son to sit on his throne this day. And now, O Lord my God, You have made Your servant king in place of David my father, although I am but a little child. I do not know how to go out or come in. And Your servant is in the midst of Your people whom You have chosen, a great people, too many to be numbered or counted for multitude. Give Your servant therefore an understanding mind to govern Your people, that I may discern between good and evil, for who is able to govern this Your great people?”(1 Kings 3:6-9)

Solomon wanted God to change him and his heart. With this change of heart, Solomon knew that he could serve God with wisdom and discernment. This kind of leadership for Israel could bring about God’s purpose and glorification. In the midst of my season of waiting, I knew I also needed God to change my heart. Here are some things I learned from Solomon’s example.

Solomon shows gratitude.

When I prayed for a child, did I ignore all that God blessed me with? Certainly not. But my focus often remained on the emptiness that I felt, not on the fullness and richness of His grace, goodness, mercy, and blessings that He poured out for me. In the midst of heartache and deep longing, it can be difficult to offer sincere gratitude to the God who gives abundantly. Yet Solomon did just that; he thinks back on his life and recognizes the many ways that God has shown up for him and his father. He thanks God for the outpouring of love God has showered upon him. Despite our trials and difficult circumstances, God continuously shows us His amazing love and incredible power. We have so much to be grateful for.

Humbly, he recognizes his inadequacies and need for God.

Solomon, the king of all Israel, knew that he was nothing and he had nothing without God. In our darkest, most difficult moments, the circumstance alone can be humbling. But besides feeling so low, are our hearts truly humbled? Sure, maybe we can find resources and treatments that can help, but do we genuinely believe that only God can give the solution to our prayer? Proverbs 16:9 tells us, “A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.” Too often, we spend so much time and effort trying to ‘fix our problem’ instead of turning to the One who can make beauty, growth, and strength out of the problem. Proverbs 15:22 reminds us of the great blessing God provides when He brings wise counsel into our paths. Humbly seek advice from women who have faithfully walked a similar road. Seek advice from women who have depended on God in the midst of trial and have grown in faith because of it. We are not meant to face our troubles alone. In that time of desperate longing, let us clearly see our desperate need for God and Him only.

His motivation behind his request is God’s glorification.

While sometimes I think my answer to “Ask! What shall I give you?” might be similar to a kid in a candy shop, Solomon’s was quite the opposite. He didn’t ask for the deep desire of his own heart. He didn’t ask for a multitude of things that would make his life better. He didn’t even make requests for those close to him. Ultimately, he asked for wisdom so that he could lead God’s people in a manner that would glorify God. Too often, our prayers have selfish motives. While the thing we are asking for may be wonderful and good in itself, if we’re asking for selfish reasons, our prayer isn’t glorifying God. This takes some deep introspection. When my requests are motivated by selfish desires, I have a greater interest in the things of self than the ones pertaining to God. But when I put the cause of the Lord above the best earthly blessings, I am likely to use such blessings for His great purpose. Are my prayers to make my life better, fuller, more joyful, easier, happier? Am I asking because I want to benefit from the answer? May our prayers be driven by a desire for God to be glorified in the answer. 

As I reflected on Solomon’s conversation with God, I realized that my prayer needed to change.  Instead of asking, “Please, God, grant this desire of my heart,” I began to ask, “God, whatever the outcome of this situation, please show me Your purpose so I may bring You glory in whatever I do.” It wasn’t that asking for a child was wrong. It was surrendering to His purpose and glory that was more important. If He were to bless me with a child, to say yes to my prayer, all glory be to Him to display His great power through my life. And if He were to say, “No, my child,” or “Not just yet” then may He use all that I have learned in this season of waiting to glorify His name in all the earth.