Are We Good Listeners?

I remember a sermon my father used to preach in which he would tell of an encounter he had with a young woman taking his order in a fast-food restaurant. After a gracious greeting, he ordered “one sausage biscuit.” The young lady repeated his order back to him - “one sausage and egg biscuit.” He responded, “No, just a sausage biscuit.” She smiled and nodded and said, “Oh, ok – just a sausage, cheese biscuit.” He remembered laughing to himself, feeling like he was at home talking to one of his teenagers – but alas, he decided to give it one more try. “No, just one sausage biscuit,” he clearly stated, to which she replied, “Oh, ok, I got it.”

The admonition of Solomon in Proverbs 1:8-9 is the advice given a child to listen to the instruction of a parent:

“My son, hear the instruction of your father,

And do not forsake the law of your mother;

For they will be a graceful ornament on your head,

And chains about your neck.”

Listening is hard, good listening is even harder. Good listening requires us to engage our minds and participate in a conversation without saying a word, without changing the words of the one speaking, and without assuming we already understand what is being said. Much of the time we fail miserably at being good listeners. But we are asked to be good listeners so that we might be good children of God.

We are extremely familiar with the danger described in the scriptures, of those who have ears that do not hear and eyes that do not see, the inability or unwillingness of some to take in the truth and act upon the instruction. The disregard and carelessness practiced when God talks, when instruction is given, when wisdom and law are communicated to men and women is rampant. Listening becomes an exercise in hearing what we want to hear and arranging commands as we think best. Perhaps the young lady taking my father’s order thought a sausage biscuit was boring, or not as tasty without cheese and/or egg. Perhaps she was distracted and lost focus on what her customer was saying because she was concentrating on other details of the job. Perhaps she was listening while thinking of more important things - a boyfriend, a test, car trouble. Or perhaps she listened but forgot immediately because it was not important enough for her to remember.

The passage this month focuses upon children listening to their fathers and mothers, and I certainly think that is important to stress. However, the spiritual wisdom in this passage is a continuation of last month’s theme. We are to listen, with good listening, to the instruction that our Father gives, we are to own it and wear it and embed it in our hearts. Proverbs 3 is still a continuation of these thoughts, verses 1 – 6 remind us of the blessings that come when we listen and do not forget what has been said:

“My son, do not forget my law,

But let your heart keep my commands;

For length of days and long life

And peace they will add to you.

Let not mercy and truth forsake you;

Bind them around your neck,

Write them on the tablet of your heart,

And so find favor and high esteem

In the sight of God and man.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct your paths.”

When my son was younger, I would take his face in my hands and block his peripheral vision so that he could concentrate on what I was saying, without distractions or more interesting and entertaining things to hear and see entering his sightline. This is not a puzzle for us – we understand how hard listening can be. Even as adults we spend our days paying half attention to things being said, missing important details in a story, skipping a step of instructions due to impatience, disregard, or carelessness. We have all been relieved to take an “open book” test since everything the teacher has said over the semester has gone in one ear and out the other.

This section of proverbs is part of the warnings and admonishment to hear the wisdom of our Father, to seek discernment and pursue the knowledge from above. But, if we begin by being poor listeners, we will miss it, or at least parts of it. We must listen as not to forget or forsake, we must hear well enough to keep the law within our hearts all our days, we must wear the instruction and discernment we have learned so we do not miss a step or go astray. Listening must be learned and practiced, and as we listen well, we adorn our hearts and minds with the inspired words of God, wearing them around our necks and on our heads and in our hearts. We listen so that the instruction and wisdom enter in one ear and do not escape out the other. Wisdom stays and dwells within us, before our eyes, embedded in our hearts, and stamped in our minds.

Daddy left the fast-food restaurant that morning and returned to his office with a bag and the anticipation of a sausage biscuit. But much to his disappointment, he found only a ham biscuit in his bag. Perhaps ordering a fourth time would have been the trick, but my guess is that is not the case. The hearer was conditioned not to hear, she had ears but could not hear, she was distracted and disinterested.

We “read” our Bibles and walk away not knowing what we have read. We “listen” to a sermon, but do not know what was taught, and cannot repeat the main points. We “engage” in spiritual conversation but do not hear the admonitions and wisdom of others because we are forming our own words of reply as they are talking. We are too distracted and interrupted in our days to meditate on the word so that it might embed itself within us.

Lord, help us to listen, to be still and listen, to be undistracted and listen, to be diligent and determined to listen. And as the words are heard, help us to write them on our hearts, bind them around our necks, and adorn our heads with them so that all our days might be blessed.