Quick to Hear
In the first article in this series, we established that the Bible is the most important tool in our toolbox for improving our relationships. The next piece of equipment we need? A mirror. When I am serious about working toward better relationships, the first place to start and the only element I can control is myself. In this and the next three articles, we will look to improve ourselves using as a guide James 1:19, “let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”
Proverbs 18:2 says, “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” The fool is the opposite of “quick to hear.” An interesting “fun fact” about humans is that we can speak about 125 words a minute, but we can hear over 400 words per minute. That gives us a lot of extra time to shift from listening to thinking - usually about our next response. So let’s think about better listening in our relationships - not just hearing words, but listening to understand. We’ll find that sometimes listening involves our lips as much as our ears. We need to train our lips to wait, so our minds can really listen.
If I need motivation to do the work of being a better listener, I may just need to remember how incredible it is that the Creator and Ruler of the Universe actually listens to me. David, in Psalm 17 says, “I call upon You, for You will answer me, O God; incline Your ear to me; hear my words.” Because of His love for us, ours is not a one-way relationship with God, only hearing from Him. He, as our Father, wants to hear from us as well.
God personally spoke to Adam and Eve in the garden. He listened to Abraham plead for the lives of his family in Sodom. He heard the cries of the Israelites in bondage in Egypt, heard Joshua’s request for help and stopped the sun to aid in a battle, and heard Hannah’s weeping prayer over her inability to have a child. Jesus taught his disciples to pray to their Father in heaven. James closes his letter with an exhortation to pray, and reminds us that “The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working” (James 5:16).
But a warning, my sin can separate me from God and cause Him not to hear my voice. Isaiah 59:1-2 says, “Behold, the LORD'S hand is not shortened, that it cannot save, or His ear dull, that it cannot hear; but your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden His face from you so that He does not hear.”
The communication between God and His children is pleasant in both directions. When we love God and cherish his words, we can say, with the psalmist, “How sweet are Your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!” (Psalm 119:103).
In Revelation 8:4, John describes how “the smoke of the incense, with the prayers of the saints, rose before God from the hand of the angel.” God’s words are sweet to our taste; our words are a fragrant incense rising to his throne.
If God is willing to listen to me - how much more should I be willing to listen to you? Romans 12 is a chapter devoted to guidance in our relationships in the Lord’s body and the world around us. Paul calls for us to be a living sacrifice, our lives now impacted by the renewal of our minds away from the thinking of the world. We are to “love one another with brotherly affection,” to “live in harmony with each other,” to “live peaceably with all men.” How valuable are open lines of communication, being willing to be “quick to hear,” in building our peaceable life together!
For me to fulfill my part of the relationships that God has given me, to my husband, children, employers, and fellow Christians, I must be willing to love them and serve them. To do this well, I need to understand them. To understand them, I may simply need to listen - to be present in body and mind when they speak. At times, I may need to provide enough silence for them to find the space to speak.
How do I make it happen? There’s another proverb, Proverbs 17:28, that says, “Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise.” I have a fun physical step I take, and that is to form the letter “L” (for “listen”) with my thumb and index finger. Then I bring it into my face, putting my index finger over my lips and my thumb under my chin, thus silencing my lips while appearing to be a “wise” listener. And then I listen - without speaking - while you speak. It’s harder than it looks. But if I let you talk, and I listen with intention to understand, in other words, being “quick to hear,” I will come out of the conversation knowing better how to love you.
Take a moment and consider some of the relationships you’ve had - mother, sister, teacher, boss, neighbor, father, friend, coworker - a person or two in your life that have been important to you - someone who has had a positive impact on you, has helped in your growth, and possibly your spiritual walk. And consider - were they good listeners? Did they help you after listening to what it was you truly needed? In my case, the answer has been yes. While some people in my life have been a good influence just by their example, I’ve had friends, family, and mentors that I could talk to openly and honestly. They were kind and selfless enough to listen to me and then offer what I needed.
Most likely, you will get the chance to practice listening to someone you care about before the day is over. And, if you’re like me, you’ll realize how quickly you’re jumping in with your own thoughts. Being “quick to hear” is a habit we need to build. Get out your mirror and your letter “L” and listen and learn.