Slow to Anger, Part II
My husband and I live in a congested city in a house that’s over 100 years old. It’s a brick house, built to last. It’s got a lot of character. Translation: it’s really great to look at, but something is always in need of repair. Water has found its way into the house in at least four different locations. Pipes have broken, and water has pooled up in the basement as well. The back stoop steps are leaning sideways, and the doorknobs are almost daily falling off the doors and into the floor. The house demands our attention.
And so it is with our relationships. Even the ones that are built to last, when man is involved, will be in daily need of repair for the things we ourselves have broken. We wrong each other - either by sin, or callousness or carelessness. And we are wronged by others - words that hurt, lies to us or about us, neglect, and so much more. How do we address the problems before the house is damaged beyond repair? Proverbs 15:18 says, “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.” Again, we see “slow to anger” as the reaction of choice.
God doesn’t leave us without instruction on how to maintain peace in our relationships when we’ve hurt each other. Jesus addresses this issue directly. In Matthew 5:23-24, He says, “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” In this scenario, we have done something that our brother can hold against us. There’s a clear priority here; first be reconciled, then offer your gift.
Of the opposite situation, Jesus says in Matthew 18:15, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” The pattern and goal is the same - go and tell him, and gain your brother.
Never living in a house that leaked before, I didn’t realize what an elusive, expensive, and painstaking job it is to find and repair the cracks. But left undone, the water will eat away at the mortar and wood that holds the house intact. The same is true of our relationships. What Jesus describes in these two simple instructions, we find incredibly difficult to navigate and fulfill. However, left undone, an offense between two people, that keeps us from being united, will erode our love and goodwill until possibly our relationship is completely broken.
Jesus does use the word “if” in His instruction. In fact, for all my best efforts, this approach may not work to reconcile us. I may find a friend or brother that won’t forgive me, won’t be reconciled, or won’t recognize the wrong he’s committed. The other man’s heart is not in my control. My heart and my actions, however, must be fully intent on repair and restoration.
What a resource we have in the words of Paul. In Colossians 3:12-14, Paul writes, “Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
Before you and I even begin our conversation about this misdeed, can I put on a heart of compassion, kindness, and humility? As we meet to speak, can I show meekness and patience, bearing with you? Can I recognize that I have been forgiven so much and forgive you this one thing?
It’s hard to read from anywhere in the gospels and not read about Jesus enduring some form of mistreatment. He was relentlessly criticized, antagonized, and scoffed at by the religious leaders of the day. During His years of ministry, He lived a sparse and nomadic life for our sake, to be the physician of those who needed physical and spiritual healing. While He did have the love and devotion of His chosen disciples, He knew one of them was stealing from Him and would betray Him. The others often disappointed Him as they argued, lacked faith, and failed to understand His true mission. So infinitely superior and more righteous than everyone He dealt with, He bore it all for our sake. Where is my right to live without some mistreatment and sacrifice?
Christ teaches us to pray to the Father to be forgiven as we forgive. Paul instructs us in Ephesians 4:31-32 not to be argumentative and angry but “Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ.” For those of us who need a picture, Jesus tells the parable of the unforgiving servant, who after being forgiven a great debt, was without compassion to those who owed him a small amount. I shudder with my own hypocrisy as I hear the words the master has for the servant: “And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?” (Matthew 18:33).
What’s more, that particular parable was told in response to Peter’s question “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:21-22). We look for self-justification by setting limits and boundaries when we have been given limitless blessings and boundless love.
One last scenario: what are we to do when it’s just not right - when it’s not fair? When I’ve been treated badly, and there’s no resolution? Again, God has helped us with a specific example. In Corinth, the Christians were committing some kind of fraud against one another and then resolving it in the courts of law. Paul rebukes them for the strife between them and for looking for justice from worldly men. Instead, of course, they should have been treating each other fairly in the first place and using a brother with wisdom to counsel any necessary arbitration. The key point is in these words: “To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded?” (I Corinthians 6:7).
Be defrauded? Just let it go unjustified? That’s not fair! Exactly. But do we remember what else isn’t fair? “For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that He might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit” (1 Peter 3:18). I haven’t been treated “fairly” by God; I’ve been given grace. Praise be to God.
We close this entire series of articles by continuing with Paul’s words in Colossians 3:14-15: “And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.”
My husband, my children, sisters and brothers, friends, and spiritual family - all have been given to me by God for my good. We need to remember that. And. Be. Thankful.