Slow to Speak
“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18). Oh, the power of our words! We’ve all been subject at some time in our lives to words that cut like a knife. And we’ve all watched with regret as our own words hurt someone as deeply as any weapon. James calls our tongue “a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” How we long to be the perfect man he speaks of that “does not stumble in what he says.” Yes, if we care about our relationships, we will have to learn to be “slow to speak” (James 1:19).
The book of Proverbs has a wealth of help for training our tongues to use wisdom. Proverbs 10:19 says, “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” Proverbs 15:2 reminds us that “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.” The visual of the spilling out of words accurately describes us when we are quick and thoughtless with our speech. This ever-present, seemingly unconquerable task, then, of controlling our tongues has at least one very simple solution, offered by James. “Be slow to speak.” Slow down. Restrain your lips. Think about the emotions of the moment - yours and the listener’s. Think about the impossibility of ever going back in time to the moment before the hurtful words were said.
Two characters in the Bible come to mind as I think about speaking hastily and without restraint. These were good men, and their words weren’t intended to be hurtful. I am thinking of David when he was confronted by Nathan the prophet (2 Samuel 12). Nathan laid out a scenario that he knew would cut at David’s compassionate heart. A poor man’s ewe, raised as if it were a child, was butchered for a rich man’s feast. The cruelty and injustice of the situation angered David, and he lashed out with the harshest punishment - that man deserves to die! Imagine how David felt when he heard Nathan say - “You are the man!”
The disciple Peter spoke out hastily more than once, but none of his missteps were so crushing as the occasion when he declared boldly to Jesus that even though all the others would forsake him, he would not (Matt 26:33). Only hours later, he heard the rooster crow, and as Jesus had foretold, he had denied even knowing Jesus three times.
At first, I thought these were merely examples of people who spoke without thinking. And even from good intentions - David did feel compassion for the poor man who lost his beloved sheep, and Peter was passionate about standing with Jesus and fighting for his kingdom. He proved it in the garden when he raised his sword against one of the enemies. So maybe if each of them had taken some pause, they might have held back their words. But the words weren’t the true problem - the words revealed what was in their hearts. David’s reaction and words only emphasized the hypocrisy of his life. He was living with the knowledge of his sin, the callousness and cruelty of his actions, and his words didn’t make it worse - just more evident. Peter would not have looked so bad when he denied Jesus, if he hadn’t first made such a bold promise. But he denied him just the same. Peter was willing to fight, not for the spiritual Kingdom of Christ, but rather for the earthly king and kingdom he was not willing to relinquish.
The problem isn’t just our words, or our lack of restraint - it is our heart. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Beyond watching what I say, I need to watch what I take into my heart and what I allow to stay there. Jesus had to explain this to his disciples when they were criticized for not following ritualistic hand washing. He said, “Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is expelled? But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person. But to eat with unwashed hands does not defile anyone.” (Matt. 15:17-20)
Read with me from Psalm 119 and hear the attitude that will cause us to fill our hearts with God’s word: “With my whole heart I seek You. Let me not wander from Your commandments! I have stored up Your word in my heart, that I might not sin against You. Blessed are You, O LORD; teach me Your statutes! With my lips I declare all the rules of Your mouth. In the way of Your testimonies I delight as much as in all riches. I will meditate on Your precepts and fix my eyes on Your ways. I will delight in Your statutes; I will not forget Your word.”
Consider how vital that hungering for righteousness is as we live in relationships with each other. Paul instructs in Colossians 3:12-15, “Put on then, as God's chosen ones …compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other… And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts…”
If I allow my heart to be filled with bitterness and envy, if I repeatedly take in and tolerate worldly thinking, it will be a constant battle to watch my words before they become like sword thrusts. But if I delight in God’s word, if I meditate on His precepts, I will feel my own unworthiness and begin to have a heart of compassion toward you. I will begin to forgive as I’ve been forgiven. As my love for God grows, so will my love for all His children and all men.
There’s the slowness of a minute of restraint before I speak. But there’s also the slow process of allowing the Spirit to renew my mind, and learning to speak the truth in love.
Yes, words can be like sword thrusts, yet that statement in Proverbs is countered by “but the words of the wise bring healing.” To the same extent that words can wound, words can heal. They can provide a salve for the aching heart. They can build bridges over the gaps in our relationships. And mostly, they can lead hearts to God, and offer all the hope that comes with being His child. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. When my heart is God-inclined and Spirit-fed, my words will bring these fruits into my relationships.
“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11). What an encouraging thought, that something I say could be treasured and beautiful. Let’s be slow before we speak out in words we instantly regret, and let’s also slow down and allow our hearts to become pure and humble. Let’s pray for the guidance to make our words,“fitly spoken.”